Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Things You Should Know. *Written November 2008*

I've never been able to effectively show how I feel. (These are your words)

Not once have I been acussed of not being loving, caring, and being there for her. (also your words)

I'm sorry if after 40 years i decide to focus on myself a bit (your words again)

All of the above does not make for a successful loving relationship. PERIOD.
I apologize for not putting up with all the contradictions. There was more of them than anything else.

When I came back to be with you for good, you had been flown to Texas for the weekend.

I would have stayed by your side and worked through the good, bad and the ugly.

I know ALL about the Ugly.

I was smart enough to recognize the REAL issues and hold you AND MYSELF accountable. This is why we are apart.

I loved myself enough to not tolerate the disrespect. This is why we are apart.

My fantasy man is one who keeps his word, doesn't cheat, manipulate, doesn't abuse emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually.

The fantasy man I expected was only the one you presented to me.

Do impartial people know ALL the facts and all the dirty little secrets? Naw, they never do.

I love your people. They were good to me and protected me. I pray for them daily.

I pray for you daily as well.

I loved you enough to expect from you ONLY what you promised.

I believed everything you promised.

Our deepest emotions are wounded because of our deep love for each other.


You still love me. No amount of women you have running in and out of your life will change that.

Quality, not quanity


In the beginning, it felt right because it WAS right.

As I recall there was limited access to www in the beginning.

There is a pattern. To you it's oblivious, to everyone around you, it's SCREAMING.

Serving God and your fellow man is what will truly fulfill your life, and most times it's not convenient to do so.

You are only lonely because you chose to be alone years ago and now lack the emotional skill needed to be with someone foreal.

No electronic will ever permanently fill that void you are using it for


Most people who isolate themselves are hiding who they truly are and their behaviors.


No matter what you attempt to hide from those you love, God knows.

I loved you even with your addictions.... ALL of them (told you I know about the ugly, too)

You chose the virtual and temporal relationships over me.

Thank You.

No matter who we end up with, our hands will still always fit perfectly together.

We reap what we sow and our lives are direct reflections of it.

You deserve to be respected and loved, not feared.

I'm not the one who fears you.

Think about what you really want, ask God how you can accomplish it and be willing to do what it takes to get there.

Don't expect someone else to get you there.

After a while no one is going to help you more than you are willing to help yourself

Be worthy and somewhat equal to the person you really want. God will not bring someone down to our level because we fall in love. But he will surely try to raise us up to theirs if we're willing.

BE WILLING.


Be the kind of spouse you would want your children to marry. (How's that for perspective)


Most of the things we try to protect our children from, are exposed to them in the home by US (how's that for a shocker)

We could be amazing friends :)

You learned alot from me but are too proud, arrogant and weak to ever admit it.

I learned from you as well, mostly about myself. I'm forever grateful for that.

If you feel like a creep, maybe it's because you just might be.

I loved you enough to be honest and not lie and sugar coat. Sorry if you couldn't take it.

I also loved me enough to confront when things weren't quite right or adding up.

You should love me even more for being smart enough to figure stuff out so quickly.

All things can be worked out and worked on when there is honesty. Hiding things is a lie, manipulaton and a mess.

God will not bless a relationship that is full of messes not trying to be cleaned up.

No one can clean up your mess for you. But others are willing to help YOU take responsibility for it and love you through it.


You are not the bad person, you just need help with some serious problems. We all do sometimes.

I love the core of your heart. I hope you find it and decide to be true to it.

I've had something for you since October *2008*. It has never been sent because you've never been ready for it.

Did you really put in 100%? 50? I failed to believe what you did give was your best. I know you have so much more to give.

I hope you find the ambition to show that 100% someday.


It's easier to step out then to Step up.

I stayed to work it out. You added another bailout to your long list.


I never believed any justification you told me. Just so you know.

Because I loved you I will always want love for you.

Stop existing and LIVE!!


I have no regrets with you.


I will always haunt you. Your dreams. Your hopes. You will wish she (all of them) was me. ALWAYS. And that  hole in your heart will always make me sad :(


I will always be a champion for your success and happiness :)

Now  I will now let you go. Only because I HAVE to.

THE WOMAN IN THE WINDOW

Weary and worn I took a window seat to focus on the beauty through the glass.
Hoping to briefly forget the ache in my back and in my feet, I down and closed my eyes for a few quick
moments and said to myself:
“Will I ever be enough?  Will I ever measure up?  To who am I worthy enough for?”
I turned my head and glanced at the window… and there she was, the woman I wanted to be.
I smiled half heartedly and she smiled back kind of embarrassed at my thoughts of her.  Her eyes were
open with understanding and a general love that I could feel to my very core. Her smile was simple yet
magnetic. Her lips were full as if they wanted to share love and wisdom and hope.  Her hair was wavy
and curly at the same time with a band pulled back keeping her curly bangs from hanging in her face. 
 There was experience in her face and although fleeting I saw the shadows of   tears and pain and the
brightness of hope and laughter.  This woman has lived and this woman has loved and she wore her life
about her for the entire world to see, unedited, unaltered, raw and pure.   Our gazes locked and I could
feel the urging from her to come out from behind the glass and live the life I was meant to live.  I raised
my hand in a wave and slowly pressed it against the glass. Her hand found mine on the glass as well and
as I turned to go she disappeared in the window.   For a brief moment,  through the reflection of the
glass,  I connected with the woman I am supposed to be.